How To Gain Freedom From Despair

(Parenting is hard enough.  Coping with a state of despair makes it feel impossible.  Here is an article for anyone who wants to find a way out of despair, to enjoy the fullness of life's richness once more and happily function at higher levels in all areas, including health, parenting, marriage and career.)

Despair is a devastating condition of hopelessness, and there is a way out.  It has its roots in greif.

Letting yourself grieve is the beginning of freeing yourself from the need to grieve.  Allow your feelings to flow as they are, however sad and painful they may be.  At the same time, look at your mind.  Notice the mental story that you are telling yourself.  Grief is always rooted in fantasy.

While you believe that you are grieving over reality, you are grieving over a mental movie, a visionary story about reality that you are telling yourself.

You believe that you are grieving over your lover falling in love with another.  Really look at what you are grieving over and you will see that you are envisioning that grievous situation.  Imagine that your lover is really and truly in love with you and you will no longer grieve.  You will feel good about life and about yourself.

Or you might simply imagine yourself in a new relationship with someone you love more deeply and who loves you more deeply, in a relationship that flows more beautifully than the one that has ended ever flowed, ever could or would flow.

Or you might simply imagine yourself with the ability to attract to you all that you desire from a relationship with just the right person.

Feelings of insecurity are intricately woven into feelings of grief.  We worry that we will be worse off because of the loss that we grieve over.

This same practice for liberation that applies to grieving applies to worry.  You worry about your imaginary predicaments, not your real life situation.  You believe that you are in danger because your imagination projects a future that you don’t want, a future of loss, lack or disappointment.  

However real the dangers in your life seem, you feel threatened based on a logical deduction about where things may be headed, what may happen.  You are living in a movie in your head and that is the actual cause of your dread.

You can leave worry by allowing the feeling of insecurity to flow through you, without resisting it, while examining the activity of your mind, until you see the worrisome story you are living in, until you see the mental movie you are projecting.

When you see that what you worry about is nothing but a frightening fantasy, you can drop the fantasy and consider the situation you would love to be in instead.  

What if you had nothing to worry about?  You would feel completely secure.  Try feeling secure right now.  If you cannot, then just continue allowing your feelings of insecurity to flow as you observe your mind.  You will soon find yourself able to feel more secure.

Feeling secure actually makes you secure because your emotions govern your perspective and your perspective governs your life.  When you feel secure you already feel successful and fulfilled and you find opportunities to achieve what you desire coming to you.  When you feel insecure you notice only the dark possibilities of risk, which sets the stage for the devastation of despair to set in.

When you feel the emotion of grief you are viewing mental images that break your heart.  When you let go of those images your grief abates and you feel hopeful, grateful, even celebratory about your life.

Feeling secure and hopeful is what you really want from any changes in circumstances that you desire.  You may believe that what you really want is to have more money or to have a particular person’s love or to have someone that you love change in certain ways.  But what you really want is the feeling of security and hopefulness that those ideas inspire within you.

I don’t know about you but I don’t want to have to depend upon anyone or anything to keep me free of the insecurity and hopelessness that is the devastating state of despair.  I want to live unconditionally in the inner state of security and hopefulness that gives me the quality of life I desire and that attracts and manifests the conditions that match, reinforce and inspire those wonderful feelings.

Bob Lancer is an inspirational speaker and life-coach/wisdom-mentor presenting transformational programs around the world, inspiring hearts, lifting spirits and opening minds to the greater possibilities of their lives. 

To bring Bob to your location to shift perspectives for higher, happier achievement in all areas of life, call 770-364-9580 or click here to email. 

Bob's programs are perfect for businesses, schools, personal / spiritual growth centers, nonprofits, and conferences and conventions of all kinds.